is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
