I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
