I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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