doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
