Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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