You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
