I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
