took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
