I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
