it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
