Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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