i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
