theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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