After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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