He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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