the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
