Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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