I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
