One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
