he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
