why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
