Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
