Where did you get a picture of my penis
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
