Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
