Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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