My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
