i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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