He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
