he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Come share oat with me in your robe
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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