why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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