what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
