i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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