i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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