my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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