I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize