Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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