My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
