I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
