I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
