i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
