So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
