is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
