He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
