dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize