i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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