You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
