So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize