I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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