So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
