DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
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