Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
