She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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