Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Randomize
