Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
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even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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