the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
