Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize