my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize