somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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