some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
