dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
