i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
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