Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
