it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
