Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
