Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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