So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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