I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish you could order shots online.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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